Free Powah

A touch of the Turbo button at the bar end – and the burning sensation in your thighs disappears – the healthy perspiration, however, remains. (aka Push ze button. Zoom-zoom.) This is SO German, it is astounding. Basically, it is a little electric motor that goes inside your seat-tube that can deliver 200 watts of power to your crank via a gearing mechanism attached to a custom bottom-bracket // crankset combo. The whole system adds about 4.5lbs. to your bike, and the company – Gruber Assist – says it can be retrofitted to most bikes with standard seat-tubes, although they also offer several of their own bicycles with the system pre-installed. The best part of the whole system, I think, is that they advertise how the extra power allows “Cycling [to become] fitness cycling and is thereby healthier.” [their emphasis.]

Now, I know what you all must be thinking, “Lance has somehow figured out to hide this, and THAT is why he is coming back!” Well, while I’m not sure that’s the case, I also have a running bet going, mostly with myself, about how long it is before someone 1) uses this in a race (my prediction is an age group triathlete), and 2) gets caught for using this in a race (which will probably lag the actual usage by, oh, about three years).

Now, just when you were getting ready to give up exercise, “GRUBER Assist guarantees pleasurable cycling without a red face!” Well, golly gee! It reminds me of those signs on treadmills and such, “STOP EXERCISING IF YOU FEEL DIZZY OR FAINT!” I always thought that was when the exercise actually started. But I guess the future of exercise consists of one of those magic pills and one of these attached to the bicycle. Since actual fitness is clearly going to die out, I guess I better get back to training, while such a thing still exists…